Hell Ride (2008)

Hell Ride (2008)

It’s Not About the Bike? Try Telling These Lifers

By RACHEL SALTZ
Published: August 8, 2008


“Hell Ride,” a silly slice of genre gone bad, takes place in an American desert populated by middle-aged bikers and the nubile, often topless young women who love them. The guys, who have names like Pistolero and the Gent (he wears a tuxedo, see), ride around brawling and posturing and pretending they’re in better movies. 

A jumble of influences, “Hell Ride” borrows its jump-around-in-time structure and absurdist wordplay from Quentin Tarantino (who apparently doesn’t hold a grudge; he’s credited as executive producer) and its sense of empty spaces and hovering doom from Sergio Leone. All that’s missing is those directors’ talent. 

The quadruple threat responsible for “Hell Ride,” Larry Bishop — writer, director, producer and actor (he plays Pistolero) — kicked around B-movies in the 1960s and ’70s, making his mark as an actor in biker pictures, which he obviously loves. But he burdens his film with clumsy art-house ambitions that clash with its embrace of bikes, beer and booty. If any of this sounds amusing, be warned: it’s not. It’s depressingly self-conscious and turgid, and a cast that includes Dennis Hopper, David Carradine, Michael Madsen and Eric Balfour can’t drag “Hell Ride” out of the mire. 

“Hell Ride” is rated R (Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian) for nudity, profanity and only-in-Pistolero’s-dreams sexual situations.

HELL RIDE

Opens on Friday nationwide. 
Written and directed by Larry Bishop; director of photography, Scott Kevan ; edited by Blake West and William Yeh; music by Daniele Luppi; production designer, Tim Grimes; produced by Mr. Bishop, Michael Steinberg and Shana Stein; released by Third Rail Releasing. Running time: 1 hour 23 minutes. 

WITH: Larry Bishop (Pistolero), Eric Balfour (Comanche), David Carradine (the Deuce), Dennis Hopper (Eddie Zero), Vinnie Jones (Billy Wings) and Michael Madsen (the Gent).

Indiana Jones : Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull

Indiana Jones... Without Shia LaBeouf

August 5th, 2008

George Lucas, who doesn’t inspire much confidence these days after three so-so Star Wars prequels and an Indiana Jones movie that could have, should have, could have so easily been so much better, is on my good side for the day. While Indiana Jones 5 is still just an idea bouncing around in his head (who blames him, after the movie made $300 million), he had these words to say on the MTV Movie Blog:

“Indiana Jones is Indiana Jones. Harrison Ford IS Indiana Jones. If it was Mutt Williams it would be ‘Mutt Williams and the Search for Elvis’ or something.”

Personally, I think Indiana Jones 5 is a good idea. Yes, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was not all that great, but it seems like it would be pretty easy - if Lucas actually looked at his original films and made something a little more realistic, a little more down to earth - to do a good Indiana Jones movie. And, considering that the last one wasn’t terrific, I’m actually hoping they do another one to wash the bad taste out of my mouth.

Of course, all of that is said with the condition that Harrison Ford is Indiana Jones. No one wants to see Shia LaBeouf’s character take over; that’d just be stupid. Harrison Ford is Indiana Jones, and if he won’t do another one, don’t do another movie. Twenty years down the line, I’m sure they’ll remake the films or something, but keep the main character Indiana Jones, not his bastard child (named Mutt of all things).

As for Indiana Jones 5, Lucas would only say, “We are looking for something for him to go after. They are very hard to find. It’s like archeology. It takes a huge amount of research to come up with something that will fit.” How about something not involving aliens.

The Dark Knight Issue

'The Dark Knight' and 'Mamma Mia!': A Perfect Pair?

Forget what you've heard, says Diablo Cody: Christian Bale's Batman and Meryl Streep's musical have a lot more in common than ''counterprogramming'' strategies would have you believe

By Diablo Cody

Self-indulgent though it may be, I'd like to begin by addressing a criticism: Recently, a reporter for Variety described my EW column as ''largely thesis-less.'' Slander! If you look back on my oeuvre, every one of my columns has a clearly defined main idea. For instance, ''90210 is awesome!'' qualifies as a thesis. ''YouTube is awesome!'' — that's totally a thesis. My prose is searing, precise, much like a skin-refining laser wielded by Dr. Robert Rey. It's as decisive as Tim Gunn making a judgment call about a sloppy hem. It's as focused and unwavering as an icing tube guided by the steady hand of that Ace of Cakes guy. But enough with the cable-centric metaphors. On with the spew!

I think I might be one of the only people in America, or at least the only person I know, who saw both The Dark Knight and Mamma Mia! on their shared opening weekend. The simultaneous release of these films turned out to be a canny strategy for both Warner Bros. and Universal. The Dark Knight (unsurprisingly) made over $48 million overnight and Mamma Mia! had the biggest opening for any movie musical in history, surpassing even b.o. juggernauts like Xanadu and Grease 2. I imagine the film was also appreciated by a small yet devout group of fetishists who've spent years Photoshopping bib overalls onto pictures of Meryl Streep.

Counterprogramming — pitting dissimilar films against each other in the hopes that audiences will be divided — is a high-stakes gambit. Particularly for the romantic comedies that are quietly released opposite the latest megabudget explodo-flick, Marvel adaptation, or apocalypse fantasy. Personally, I consider Titanic the most brilliant example of successful counterprogramming; the film actually countered itself by embedding an epic chick flick within a classic disaster movie. Sentimental types got Jack and Rose flirting in steerage. The rest of us got a dude being killed by a propeller. Genius, right?

Since I like to defy classification, at least as far as market research goes, I decided to see Mamma Mia! and The Dark Knight in rapid succession. Stylistically, these films are jarringly incompatible. The pale, brooding denizens of dim Gotham City are like a photonegative of Mamma's blond, tanned revelers on their sparkling Greek isle. Christian Bale's inscrutable, rasping antihero is the ideological opposite of Amanda Seyfried's saucer-eyed bride. The Dark Knight makes bold, definitive statements about morality and responsibility. Mamma Mia! is — to borrow a distinctive term — largely thesis-less. Shockingly, I loved both films.

Friday Box Office

Friday Box Office: Did Batman Beat Mummy?

The Friday box office results for August 1, 2008 are in, and it’s going to be a close one for box office crown. We have two films vying for first place this weekend: The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, the unwanted sequel starring Brenden Fraser, and the very-much-wanted sequel and box office behemoth The Dark Knight.

The Mummy 3 won the Friday battle, raking in $15.5 million, but it may not win the war. The Dark Knight dropped 45% from last weekend - still pretty damn good for a blockbuster of its size - to add another $12.8 million to its cume. Nevertheless, those smart analysts over at Box Office Prophets except, with some uncertainty, that the Batman movie may come out on top when final box office numbers are counted. For starters, The Mummy 3 may be a little bit frontloaded - whereas The Dark Knight has proven that people want to see it consistently any day of the week. At the very least, if it comes down to the wire, I could see Universal hedging the numbers a bit so that when the weekend box office estimates come out, The Mummy 3 is sitting on top.

Irregardless, this is a win for Universal. After the disaster that was The Mummy 2 (granted, it made a ton of money), Universal has to be pleased with a $40+ million opening weekend. While it didn’t look as bad as The Mummy Returns, the presence of yetis and poorly designed dragons - as well as God-awful reviews - had the average moviegoer thinking that this was a down-and-out release. I had pretty much forgotten that this was part of a very successful movie franchise, and that it’s still summer - a good amount of money can still be made.

As for The Dark Knight, the good news is that by the end of the weekend it will be closing in on $400 million, the fastest movie to do so. The bad news is that now, it is looking less and less likely that it will knock Titanic off its throne.

Kevin Costner’s Swing Vote, by the way, flopped with only $1.9 million on Friday, begging for a $5-6 million weekend. I feel bad for Costner, as I really want him to get a hit one of these days. That being said, it was clear from the beginning that Swing Vote was not going to be that comeback he so desperately needs.

Tropic Thunder

First Look: 'Tropic Thunder'

Who's that man between Jack Black and Ben Stiller in this scene from the upcoming comedy? (Hint: he's famous...and white)

By Adam B. Vary

If you don't recognize that African-American actor standing between Jack Black and Ben Stiller, there's a good reason: He's white. In Tropic Thunder, an epic action comedy co-written and directed by Stiller, Robert Downey Jr. plays Kirk Lazarus, a very serious Oscar-winning actor cast in the most expensive Vietnam War film ever. Problem is, Lazarus's character, Sgt. Osiris, was originally written as black. So Lazarus decides to dye his skin and play Osiris, um, authentically. Funny? Sure. Dangerous? That's an understatement. ''If it's done right, it could be the type of role you called Peter Sellers to do 35 years ago,'' Downey says. ''If you don't do it right, we're going to hell.''

The film marks Stiller's first directing effort since 2001's Zoolander. With Thunder (opening Aug. 15), he takes aim at the sweetest target of all: actors. Downey plays one of a team of self-indulgent stars cast in the modern equivalent of Apocalypse Now. Stiller plays an action hero who has just adopted a baby from Asia but worries that ''all the good ones are gone.'' Black portrays a comedian known for performing multiple roles in a single film — his latest is called The Fatties: Fart 2. But when the film's director (Steve Coogan) and writer (Nick Nolte) get fed up with their prima donna cast, they drop them into the jungle to fend for themselves. The actors think they're doing some sort of full-immersion filmmaking, but the danger they're in is very real.

Stiller got the idea for Thunder more than 20 years ago while shooting a small part in Steven Spielberg's WWII drama Empire of the Sun. He's continued to develop the script as his own star has risen, which makes taking on his brethren all the richer — watch for cameos from Tom Cruise and Tobey Maguire — and all the more perilous. For starters, Hollywood satires have a rocky box office record. And then there's that little issue of a white guy playing a black guy. Stiller says that he and Downey always stayed focused on the fact that they were skewering insufferable actors, not African-Americans. ''I was trying to push it as far as you can within reality,'' Stiller explains. ''I had no idea how people would respond to it.'' He recently screened a rough cut of the film and it scored high with African-Americans. He was relieved at the reaction. ''It seems people really embrace it,'' he says.

Paramount is hoping so: The studio plans to debut the trailer online March 17, and Downey is all over it. (In one scene, he tries to bond with a real African-American castmate by quoting the theme song from The Jeffersons.) Downey, meanwhile, is confident he never crossed the line. ''At the end of the day, it's always about how well you commit to the character,'' he says. ''I dove in with both feet. If I didn't feel it was morally sound, or that it would be easily misinterpreted that I'm just C. Thomas Howell in [Soul Man], I would've stayed home.''